Autism Has Silenced Me

This evening I have been watching Sandi Patty on Gaither Gospel Hour.  Bill Gaither asked her if she would share one of her favorite hymns.  What song means the most after all of these years, after life being kicked around and she started singing "His Eye Is On The Sparrow".  She spoke about that there was a time in her life that she felt like singing publicly was over for her.  As she spoke those words, my eyes filled with tears because I haven't sang since Christmas and before that was July 2010.  I have so many friends ask me "are you singing anywhere?"  I am so embarrassed to say "no".  I am 41 years old and have been singing since I was 13 years old.  Music has been a part of my life ALL of my life.  I don't know why I stopped singing.  There wasn't one thing in my life that silenced me.  It was a series of events that has silenced me.  The biggest reason AUTISM.  I can't tell you the pain I feel in my heart to know that the sound of my voice causes my son so much anguish.  He can't handle the sensory part of it.  He has to plug his ears because its just too much.  I once was doing a sound check at a church and he was sitting by the monitors.  I was singing his eye is on the sparrow and when the song was wrapping up I looked at Ty and he had this sad mournful face.  I had never seen that look before.  I went to him and held him and he just wept and told me that the song was just too sad.  He was touched deeply but he didn't know what these emotions were that he was feeling.  I just held him.  I didn't know what else to do. 

My singing has always been so theraputic for me.  You would think that music would be what gets me through the hardest part of my life but it can't be.  I know God has a plan for me.  He always has.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am right where he wants me to be.  There is a time and a place for everything.  My place right now is to be where my son needs me.  God placed this wonderful little man in my life and I am commited to his every need.  I feel that when the time is right and I go back to singing that I will be singing from a different place.  I think for the first time in my life I will have the soul behind the voice.  An old jazz musician once said to me in the recording studio when I was 23 years old......"you haven't lived long enough to sing jazz".  I now know what he meant.  There is a time and a place and a season for everything:)

Just wanted to share with you the love of my life!

This is Christopher Matthew Grantham my love....my life.  He is the reason I smile when I wake in the morning.  There's never a dull moment in my life when he is in it.  He helps me cope with life and all of its challenges.  He is one of the most amazing people I know.

Valentine's Day Box made for a true gamer!

I made this for my 6 year old son who loves anything Mario and any gaming system he can get his hands on.  lol.  The hardest part of this project was finding the perfect size box.  It took several hours but I think it turned out very cute.  You just need scrapbook paper glue gun and a good paper cutter.  I hope this inspires you to be creative and design something special for your little ones.  TTFN!

Realistic view of the State of Missouri's Autism Bill as seen by ME!

Well, I don't even know where to start so here I go.  Today I learned that the new autism bill which was passed this last fall will not be bringing any relief to my family.  The autism bill forces insurance companies in the state of Missouri to cover $40,000 for ABA therapy.  Upon hearing the news of the passed bill, I was elated.  Finally we would get a break finacially over this responsibility of healing our son.  The bill was in effect as of January 1, 2011.  I am sad to say that we will get zero help from this bill.  The bill states that they will not cover any cost of a school.  Ty goes to The Ozarks Center for Autism(aka...school)where he recieves 30 hours of ABA therapy a week.  The school is ran by a board certified ABA therapist and Ty's one on one teacher just finished her masters and working toward her certification.  He is recieving the best education he could possibly be getting and they are not going to help.  They will cover outpatient which is good but the break down of what they will cover and what he needs is not equal.  The outpatient therapy is $80 an hour.  When you break down the money it equals out to be 9 hours a week.  Oh and then you have to pay $25 co-pay.  I'm not sure if that is per visit.  Outpatient therapy is usually done an hour at a time.  Our cost would be $225 a week.  Right now we don't have time in our schedule to add more therapy but when Ty goes into the school system this fall we will be needing extra services.  I just can't believe that they will not cover some of his therapies.  We  had to declare bankruptcy so Ty could continue to attend the Ozarks Center.  The sacrifices have been so big and I just thought maybe life would give us a break.  I have never asked for hand outs and I never will but we need a break.  The insurance companies do not cover any of the testing that we really need and now they won't provide enough therapy to really impact the child.  I think I have found my new purpose.  I'm ready to advocate for all of the families out there that have not been blessed enough to be a part of the Ozarks Center for Autism.  I am ready to raise my voice for those families that are too busy working 2 and 3 different jobs just so their children can have 9 hours of therapy a week.  Our children NEED 30-40 hours of therapy a week to make a difference.  Our children are worth saving.  They are our future.  Why can't anyone see this.  The newest statistic is 1 in 58 boys will be diagnosed with autism.  Come on people open your eyes.  This is an epidemic!  I have such a heavy heart this evening.  I'm sorry for my frustation.  I am very greatful for the progress the state of Missouri has made by passing this bill.  I personally know serveral people which were involved in making this happen.  I just look forward to the day when our children get the help they truly deserve.  Thank you to all of you that take the time to read the writings of this desperate mother.  Goodnight!

Just wanted to share with you what I've been up to.  Here some examples of the new bath product line.  Enjoy.

Waffles in honor of Grandma West

I woke up craving waffles and remembered that I now own my Grandmothers General Electric Waffle Iron.  For many years we sat at the kitchen table at my grandma's and ate waffles.  She would place the iron on the corner of the table and make waffles until we couldn't eat anymore.  LOL.  Guess what I plugged that iron in and off I went.  The waffles were crisp and mouth watering.  Do you have similar memories?  Do you recognize this waffle iron?

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Here are the highlights of our Christmas this year.  We had a great year and it was a perfect ending.  Hope you all have a happy and healthy New Year.