Sunday, December 26, 2010

My life in a nut shell!

I am 40 years old and can finally say, I know who I am. It's a relief to be able to say that. It has been a long journey to get here and I would be lying to say I didn't get here without a lot of scars. The last three years have been the hardest and best years of my life. As the old saying goes, God won't give you more than you can handle. My life changed in the blink of an eye laying in my bathroom floor on December 31, 2005 when I found out that my husband would be deploying within the next 6 months. We spent the next 4 months getting ready for his departure. You have to understand that I had never been alone up til this moment in my life. I had to learn how to take care of myself and this beautiful baby boy. Johnny left in April and Ty stopped babbling and I didn't hear a sound come out of him for three months. I was grieving the loss of my husband and couldn't bear to face the pain that my son was slipping through my hands everyday. I did everything the doctors told me to with vaccines, food intake, fluid intake etc...Yet still everyday he would slip further and further away. Yes in one year I lost my husband and my son.........And I wonder after a year and a half deployment why I finally had to admit defeat and go see a counselor. I found strength I didn't know I had. I found friends I didn't know I had. It is soooo true that when you are in the valley you find out who your true friends are. I had to grow up and become the grown up. Now with life's schedule, I don't beat around the bush I just tell you what I think. I don't waste time on the small stuff. We have too many other very important things in our lives like our children to occupy our time. Communication has become very important to me. I spent so many of my younger years not thinking my opinion was important and now I just fight to be heard. So what if you don't like it. When I was stipped down with this deployment and autism, I FOUND MYSELF again. I forgot how to laugh. I forgot how much fun I used to be. I know that this new and improved Melissa has taken a few people back but if you just open your eyes you'll see that you are finally seeing ME. The true me. I feel happy and content in my own skin. As i type those words I have a smile on my face because I never thought I would ever get here. For those of you out there that don't have a clue what AUTISM is please don't be ignorant as we were. Educate yourselves. This is an epidemic. 1 in 150 children are diagnosed. 1 in 80 boys. We have to find a cure. Please I beg of you before you have your babies, do some research. My son was born with a weakened immune system. It was NOT one thing that put him over the top. It was the fact that his body couldn't handle the same things a typical child could. I hope that through this wild journey that one person hears my cries and changes the outcome for their own children. Please don't watch your child disappear before your very eyes.

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